How do you know you’re a runner?  Think carefully about that; I’m not asking about the opinions of others, friends, family or strangers.  What others know of you and call you, whether to your face or not, should be irrelevant to what your think of yourself.  So put all thoughts of others out of your head as you answer the question: how do you know you’re a runner?

The first time I ran outside the gym was April 24th, 2008, a full three months after starting on the treadmill. I certainly didn’t think of myself as a runner yet and it took another 10 days to run in public for the second time.  The days between the two I was back in the gym trudging my way along on the treadmill. Whether due to issues of self-confidence or self-esteem I didn’t see myself as a runner and really didn’t want to chance being mistaken for one. In an attempt to overcome my self-image problems I had signed up on my employer’s team for the EIF Revlon Run/Walk for Women Los Angeles 5K held on May 10th, 2008. As my employer was covering the registration fee, and made no requirements to raise money, I felt safe that I could get away with some level of anonymity and yet still get outside and run with people.

Of course things never work out as planned and as it turns out when you sign up to be part of a team they expect you to be in the team photo.  And then I did feel somewhat guilty about running in a “cause” event without even attempting to raise money for it, so I sent around a bunch of emails saying “hey! i’m doing the Revlon Run for Women. it’d be cool if you supported the cause and donated some money.”  After giving money people have an expectation of hearing about your experience and how you did in the race.  And you can’t tell them “it wasn’t a race, it was an event to raise awareness, and besides I didn’t even run it starting off walking and then pretty much killing myself sucking down air until I reached the end and basically fell over onto the grass” because they gave money and they expect to hear how you placed in the crowd of 50,000+.  A team photo and guilt laced emails to entice family and friends to donate to the cause really have a way of throwing anonymity out the window.  Now it seems the whole world knew I had started running.

But I still wasn’t calling myself a runner.  I ran, yes, I ran and ran hard, completing the 5k run in 33:06 including the 5-8 minutes of walking at the beginning to wait for the crowds to thin out. That is a very satisfactory time, in line with what I’d been doing on the treadmill, and very decent considering the non-running pedigree.  And my pledge commitments were decent enough to raise over $2,500, the top ranking on my company’s 25 person team. YAY ME, KUDOS! :-)   But a runner?  I still saw runners as others: others enjoyed running, putting their bodies through what was clearly a harrowing, painful experience everytime they went out.  Sure I just completed a 5K race setting a PR in the process (aside: isn’t it great how you are guaranted a PR the first time you do any new distance?!).  But a runner?  Me?

So if not a runner, then what?  A fool.  A dreamer.  An idiot.  The obvious only other answer that fit was that I was a sado macochist of the first order who had no idea of what I was doing.  You see it all goes back to getting off the couch January 13th.  What was my goal?  What was my plan?  How would I know when I arrived at my destination?  Well, contrary to most people I knew at the time, rather than being driven by some attainable goal, something reasonably within reach though it might require a bit of a stretch to get to…I got up and went to the gym because I was going to do a marathon in 10 months.  That was it, a single simple thought and WHAM!  All through the fall of 2007 I was following the local news about the Pasadena Forward organization and their efforts to bring a Marathon to Pasadena in 2008.  By November they had full city council support, the event permitted, and the date set for November 16th, 2008.  I’m following the news, I’m telling myself all summer and fall that…I need to make a change and get up off my butt get active again stop working so many hours find a sustainable balance between life and work and everything I should be doing with life besides working…I need to stop being lazy.  So there it was.  The marathon.  Right here at home.  Who could ask for more?  Oh, hey that’s a long way to run, maybe I should learn to do that running stuff to improve my chances of finishing.  And into the gym I went.  When you’re not a runner and your pedigree doesn’t include running you don’t appreciate how easy it is to believe 10 months is ample time to train for a marathon.

After my first outdoor run I recognized I was going to need a plan to get to 26.2.  That was the catalyst for joining the company’s Revlon team and afterward the catalyst for joining the official Pasadena Marathon training program.  The training program would be meeting every Saturday morning at 7:00 AM in Pasadena and it seemed like a good way to learn how to run, learn how to run a marathon, and learn how to run with people.  The first meeting was on Saturday, May 10th, 2008, the same day as the Revlon run, but the schedule showed we’d be doing an easy 3 miles to kick off the program so I felt the Revlon 5K was good cover for missing week one.  Then on week two, arriving at the meeting spot at the Rose Bowl, I felt very self concious and unsure of my decision to be there, certain as well that everyone was looking at me for missing the previous week’s run.  I could tell this was going to be a less than enjoyable experience and if it hadn’t been for the up-front fee I paid to join the program I probably wouldn’t have stuck around.  But I’m so glad I did as it was in the program that I learned so much…less about running and more about me…and it was in the program that on July 19th, 2008, I began to think of myself as a runner.  On that date we did our first 8+ mile long run and afterward I went home and registered for the Pasadena Marathon. 

We all run for different reasons and have our own unique goals.  We are all committed at different levels to running and what draws us to it and what we receive from it in return.  I took six months to think of myself as a runner, to know that I am a runner.  Six long months, during which I was defining myself by looking at who I was before I left the couch and by what I thought other people thought of me.  It took six months until I finally listened to my own voice(s) in my head and heeded the messages my body was sending.  Six months is a long time to deny oneself.  I got up off the couch and six months later I knew I was a runner, no doubt about it.  What others may have thought, not only was it irrelevant to how I thought of myself now, but I didn’t even care to ask for their opinions.  I run because I like running.  I am a runner now.

How do you know you’re a runner?  I’d love to hear about it.